Ten Types of Writers

Hi guys!

So yeah. I'm back. *ducks to avoid rotten tomatoes being thrown* Sorry for being so late! In my defence, I got sick about a day after Christmas and still haven't fully recovered. Also, I kept forgetting until it was too late. But I'm back now!

I know you all thought you were finally free from my inane rambling, but no! You'll never be free.

So happy new year everyone! Please ignore that we're a few weeks into the year already. I hope it's been going well for you all so far. Today we're going to be discussing the Ten Types of Writers.

Some might say that you can't tie down a group of people to ten types, but those people are wrong. And I am right. Because I know everything. Ha*.

On we go.

*Shush, and let me have my delusions, okay.

Ten Types of Writers

THE FIDDLY PLOTTER

This one is those nerds who plan every single detail. They do all their research ahead of time. They have shiny graphs and notebooks all neatly written. Unplanned stories give them anxiety. They probably colour-coordinate everything. Nerds.

THE COWBOY

This one is the pantser. Named because they treat their story like the Wild West. A mystery, where anything could happen and they're just along for the ride. It does have the downside of having characters randomly drop dead and honestly, the likelihood of finding gold is even lower than during the Gold Rush, but dang it, they're going to try!

THE 'OOOH, SHINY!' ONE

This is the one who starts on a story. And writes a chapter. Then starts thinking about mutant sharks. Then starts thinking about a story involving mutant sharks. Then starts thinking about how much more fun it would be to write about mutant sharks than whatever the heck they were just writing about. They might fight their urges for another chapter. Then they give in and write about mutant sharks.

But...a chapter into writing about mutant sharks...they get an idea for murderous ballerinas...and the cycle repeats.

THE NANOWRIMOER

This is the one who has November marked as busy all year around. They thrive off the challenge, off the Word Wars, off the caffeine-driven writing sprees, off the grey hairs they're getting. They probably completed NaNoWriMo once and now insist on upping the ante every time they do it. Fifty thousand words? Pfft, that's nothing. Try a hundred thousand words. And on it goes.

They're probably going to die young. But at least they'll have written a whole lot when they do.

THE ROAD RUNNER

This one is just....inhuman. They write faster than most people think. You blink and they have another book written. Those words might be ninety-percent nonsense, but they're words, dang it. We all dream of being them. We are not them.

Give us your wisdom, oh Road Runner. Please.

THE SNAIL

The opposite to the Road-Runner. They started a book when they were eight and now they're eighty. They're just reaching the midpoint. But those words are good words. Probably. They'll at least somewhat make sense. Maybe.

THE 'I CAN STILL BE A WRITER IF I DON'T WRITE ANYTHING, RIGHT?' ONE

Oh procrastination. We do love you so.

This one is the one who will literally do anything but sit down and write. They'll sit through Where The Wild Things Are. They'll badly breakdance in front of strangers. They'll break down and cry, hiding in a cupboard. Anything but actually writing.

They're a mess to be honest but at least they're trying, okay?

THE MASS-MURDERER

No one is safe. This writer takes a machete to their characters with gleeful laughter and/or broken sobs. Getting attached to one of their characters is a dangerous game. You are almost certainly going to get your heart broken.

But they're almost certainly destroying their own soul while doing it, so at least you can take comfort in that.

THE MULTI-TASKER

This one is a little like the 'Oooh, shiny' one, except they never abandon a project. They just add projects on. It's a point of pride, you see. They think wistfully back to the days when they were happy and free and only had ten projects on the go. 

But they'll never be free. Anytime they finish a project, they celebrate by letting themselves add another five projects onto their pile. They're crying. 

THE SUPER SECRET ONE

This one basically treats writing as if they're part of MI6. Nobody can know anything. If you hear any details, they'll have to kill you. They probably write at midnight just in case anyone looks over their shoulder and catches - le gasp - a character name. 

They've probably committed murder in real life. Avoid them at all costs. 

And that's the ten types of writers! I'd say I'm a mix of the multi-tasker and the mass murderer. 

What about you? Which type would you say you are? Tell me down in the comments.